I never thought I was anything special
or that there was something to love about me
or understood why and how you love me,
but you love me,
and you think I’m beautiful,
and you make me feel like I’m worth something,
and you said you’d even kill for my safety,
and just…wow.
I should stop hating myself
because there’s obviously got to be something about me,
even if I never see it.
I should remember its there…
somewhere.
So I shouldn’t hurt
and I won’t hurt,
and I’ll love
you
and I love
you,
I’m in love
with you,
I’m
yours.
Its
all I want
to be
until
my very
last
exhale.

(Source: singlemillionairesss)

I did this to myself
but worst of all…
I did you wrong
what do I do when you can live without me?
I hope you still have that feeling that I’m
“the last person you’re ever with”
I’m the last person
anyone should ever think about loving
the only love that matters to me is yours
who said that in order to love someone
you have to love yourself first?
because that’s so full of shit
I hate myself so much
but I never thought I could love someone
as much as I love you..

(Source: singlemillionairesss)

so long.
so long…

endlessly dying
and I can’t use up the last bit of life I have to just die already
because the only thing that’s saving me is

you.

I’ve been crying for so long.
so long.
so long…

(Source: singlemillionairesss)

This is when nothing starts to make sense
when I can’t figure out how words are put together
and I’m hoping everything I say and do makes sense
even though I’ve lost all my senses…

I think too much.
I cry too much.
I care too much.

I’ll start blaming tears on second hand smoke getting in my eyes
or in my nose giving me a light headed feeling
just wanting to die
and how hard it is not to hurt myself sometimes
but I don’t because I know it’ll only kill myself more inside.

I make myself sick.
Not in the way where I hate myself
but in the way where I get so sad I wear myself down
where my shell gets too thin and anything can make me break
and I can’t walk through my own house without the fear of someone asking, “Are you okay?”

That’s the question I hate the most
because I can’t speak and all I can do is shrug my shoulders
maybe give a small hopeful smile but that’s where I start to cry

I can’t forgive myself for all my mistakes
and I need to find a way to accept myself for who I am
because I have people in my life who do…
I can’t live with myself being sad when I have amazing people beside me
even when there’s only a few.

And I think too much.
And I cry too much.
And I care too much.

It’s not a habit I can just shake off
I’ve always been this way
but lately it’s taken over me, making me sick of myself.

Myself.

I need to start caring for myself
be it sleeping more, eating better, even just being happier
I need to get over my pessimistic self
and now I feel selfish.

This is where my brain shuts down
telling me I need to stop and relax
and that’s it. That’s all I’ll allow myself to say right now.

(Source: singlemillionairesss)

they got secrets they won’t tell me
down on my knees just trying to figure
out the life I live here overwhelmed with fear
from my past of bitterness, coldness
feeling weakness, hopeless, how did I deserve this
unconditional hatred, my dreams burned with acid
the steam rises upward, dances through the wind
mocking me, shocking me, killing me slowly
I hope I didn’t inherit your sorrow thinking
your multi-personalities…oh wait
I feel part of you in me, I feel the sorrow thinking…thinking
as I move onward, fastforward to the nightmare
haunting my innocent soul
hide the fear, show no tears
“don’t be weak” they all say it day after day
it surrounds me, try to confide me
I fight back stronger than I realize
“real eyes, wise eyes” looking down on me
telling me what to be, making me lonely
until I finally break free, throw the world away
I don’t need this shit, say it’s beautiful; it’s not
say it’s helping; no it’s not, say you tried; no you didn’t
I don’t want to leave but it’s what I need
I’ll find my dream lost beneath the willow, lost within an echo
sunken from the sky with heavy hopes from a heavy heart
and they say, “heavy hearts weight the most”
I must be strong to carry such a heart
though torn apart holds more than you can ever desire
making me fly higher, making my heart feel lighter
swelling my dead soul with life, forget my struggle
now I’m feeling peaceful, I hear the waterfall with crashing hopes
with deminished dreams but mine are safe, safe with me…